serenity

sometimes, all we need is a drama-free beach trip to find peace again...at least for a while. with all these chaos that seem to find their way to me these days, i think i forgot what last year's summer felt like. carefree. adventurous. fun. young. the me back in summer of '08 felt like a distant memory. this beach bum weekend reminded me once again that hey, i can choose to have fun when things seem too much of a burden. relax cat. you're fine.

now switch back to life mode. :)

the time traveller

if i could travel back in time, i would...

...tell my 23 year old mom (bless her poor heart) to not be scared because i'd be a good daughter. i'd tell her that i'd eventually forgive her for the circumstances i used to blame her for. i'd tell her that i won't ever feel the need to know or look for my father so she won't need to worry that she'd lose me. i'd tell her to watch her diet because she'd get sick. and finally i'd tell her to not screw my birth certificate up because 24 years later, i have to fix it and go through all the legalities and i don't know where i would get the probably hundred thousand i'd have to spend on it.

...tell my younger self to hang on, it's going to be okay. life would be better. it would be one heck of an adventure. that the lows would be terribly heartbreaking and the highs would be utterly exhilarating.still, it would be worth it. so hang in there.

same thing i'll tell the present me. hang in there. hang in there.
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to the aunt

edited:

there were so many things i wanted to tell you.

but somewhere along the way, i got exhausted. with you and your family.

i'm done hating you. i'm done caring either. they're both exhausting.

i just don't feel a thing anymore.

i'm finally free from you.

you have no right to hurt me again. i won't give you the right to get to me.

never again.